The other day, I posed a question on my FB page asking folks what their biggest barriers are to hitting their goals.

And a number of people gave a similar answer:

Me. Me, myself and I. I am my biggest barrier.

I know that many of you reading this post right now might be thinking along similar lines. That you are your own problem. And I get that. I get the feeling that you are the one responsible for either making the change or not making the change. You are responsible for your successes or failures. Extreme ownership right?

(Except many of you out there would likely share the ownership of your success but take full responsibility for any shortcomings…)

But if you believe that you are your own worst enemy, and that you are the reason that you can’t get where you want to go, then there’s not much room for you to recognize what your best solution really is.

You. You are your best solution.

But you can’t play that role if you are too busy kicking yourself for all that you haven’t done. You can’t dig out the best part of you when you’re so busy beating yourself down for your lesser parts.

Can you actually believe that you are capable of achieving certain things while you’re so busy believing that you are your biggest problem? I know I often talk about the concept of both/and. But I’m not sure it works here. I’m not sure that you can play yourself both ways.

Take out a piece of paper right now. I’ll wait.

………

Write down five positive traits that you believe to be true about yourself. Can you do that? Can your write down five things? You’re creative, you’re funny, you’re caring, you’re sensitive, you’re remarkably good at darts, even though no one ever taught you (it comes in handy sometimes).

Much like the idea of a gratitude journal, you have to actively look for and acknowledge the positive traits you have. You need to take a few minutes to do that. Because until you do, until you can look yourself in the mirror and go all Stuart Smalley, you are going to keep filling yourself with the negative self-talk that provides the very barriers you’re trying to overcome.

If you want to make changes in 2020, then you need to stop the self-limiting beliefs about yourself. You are your best solution. But you have to start showing up for yourself the way you show up for your friends. You really do.

It’s getting to be bathing suit season, and so there is a lot of talk about getting bathing suit ready. Presumably, in our culture, “bathing suit ready” means endless squats, lunges, push ups, ab work, spin classes, bootcamp classes, running and generally beating the sh*t out of our bodies.

Hey, exercise is great for improving your overall physical (and mental) healthy - and there is nothing wrong with any of the activities listed above. With the exception of spinning (I’ve never taken a class if you can believe it), I enjoy them all.

But I don’t think more exercise is what you need to do to get “swimsuit ready.” (The phrase swimsuit ready came from a reader when I was surveying for potential blog topics.)

Regardless of what swimsuit you wear, resist the urge to bring back acid washed joggers. Please. For me.

I believe the number one action you can work on to get prepared for a season that invites shorts and tank tops is….drum roll please……

Develop a positive relationship with your body. 

Yup. No big thing, right?*****

Most of us would find wrestling an alligator more natural than being kind towards our bodies.

If we met in person, you might describe me as fit - and with a lot of help from genetics and some weekly effort on my part - I hold my own. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle with my own body.

On the outside of my right knee is a pale white scar from a teenage, neighborhood game of hide and seek. On the inside of my right leg is a small spiderweb of varicose veins that seems to puff up closer to the surface with each passing year. Sometimes you can’t really see them, and other times that’s all I see when I glance down at my legs. I have them on both legs, in several different places, and at times I am reminded of my grandmother, who rarely wore shorts, but I caught glimpses of her varicose veins when she wore dresses to church. 

These veins bother me in a way that I’d like to deny. But if I’m going to preach a positive relationship with our bodies, then you should know that I struggle in my efforts too. Those varicose veins makes me feel my age in a way that’s uncomfortable.

And so I’ve been joking that I won’t wear shorts at all this summer - because I’ve become embarrassed of my legs.

I’m not proud of that, but hey interwebz - I’m telling you anyway. So I’m working on that positive body image.

The thing is, my legs have taken me many places. They’ve hiked over 200 miles of Rocky Mountain National Park. They’ve run thousands of miles in all parts of the country, from New Mexico to Colorado to Oklahoma and more. They’ve worked 12 hour days on cement floors doing retail, walked through the farm fields of Western Pennsylvania to interview farmers, and stood in the dugout wells of minor league baseball teams, shifting from side to side to stay warm. They barked and complained when I did last year’s Tough Mudder, and they still don’t take very kindly to deep squats or lunges. 

But my legs, like the rest of my body, carry my story. 

And this summer, maybe more than any summer in the past, I find myself having to work very hard to be kind to my body. To be appreciative of my body. To be gentle with my body. To trust and appreciate that I am the best version of me that I know how to be right now, and that is all I can ask of myself.  

For the record, no I don’t think varicose veins are the end of the world, and yes, I know you can have them removed when they start causing pain. For right now, I’m just being vain about my veins. 

Yes, I did that. 

It’s not easy to avoid self-deprecating comments about your appearance and your body. We punch holes in all kinds of compliments that people pay us. 

You look great!

You’re lying!

I love your glasses!

They hide my fat face!

Those responses are reflexive - much like our apologies - and those are the comments that we need to corral.

As we get ready to head into summer on this Memorial Day weekend, and even those of us in Maine will experience warm weather, I want you to take this reminder and put it on your refrigerator and your bathroom mirror and your phone and maybe even a post-it note on your co-worker’s forehead:

You are bathing suit ready, just as you are.

***** Soooooo much sarcasm there. So much.