Then he puts on his sweater when I put coffee in…I mean that’s happiness right there.

Most mornings, I start my day by pulling out a Mr. Roger’s mug that was given to me by a friend. It delights me more than it should that when I pour the coffee in, he changes from a suit and tie into a sweater.

(I also have a Bob Ross mug that gives me happy little clouds when I pour in coffee...)

The mug is covered with famous Mr. Rogers’ sayings:

I like you just the way you are.

Often when you think you’re at the end of something you’re at the beginning of something else.

Or, perhaps my all-time favorite:

You can never go down the drain.

I also have a Mr. Roger's t-shirt that gives three rules of adulthood:
1. Be kind.
2. Be kind.
3. Be kind.

My original slogan for Kim Lloyd Fitness was “Get off your tail” a clever enough take on using a dog for my logo. But while the slogan was witty, it never really rang true for me. Despite years of coaching, I've never been big on giving orders, and certainly never direct orders.

Then one day, as I was leaving my former therapist’s office, I saw a small green sticker on the bumper of her car that read simply, Be Kind.

And immediately, I realized that was the message I wanted to be sharing. That was the message that was in my heart. That if I could be known for one thing and only one thing, it would be doing everything I could to spread a message of kindness.

Sure I want people to get up and start moving so that they can feel better and move better. And I absolutely want people to be strong, both physically and mentally. But I’m not much into telling people what to do. It’s just not my style.

I could not have predicted when I chose that slogan in 2015, just how important that message of kindness would become on a national level.

The need for kindness is more crucial now than ever before.

Every morning, I swipe left on my iPhone and read the day's news. Sure bad things happen. Bad things, unfortunately, will always happen. And it will always be a measure of our humanity as to how we respond to those bad things.

I never imagined in my adult life that I would be witness to the name-calling and hate-filled language from so many leaders in our country. I don't think any of us could imagine. It makes me outrageously angry.

And that's the problem.

It challenges my own ability to be kind and compassionate.

I believe in a world of civil discourse. I believe in a world of opposing views. I believe that there is no one right way to do anything. I believe that we all have a right to practice the faith that is in our heart, and to live the beliefs that match that faith.

But I can't, for the life of me, believe in the vitriol, the name-calling, the bullying, and the hate that I'm seeing every day, in so many ways, from so many people. It breaks my heart to think of the language that my 9 year old niece and 6 year old nephew would hear just by being in the room when the nightly news is on.

From people who are elected leaders.

I chose the tag line of kindness because it aligns with my values (my pillars of happiness, of which I owe you two more next week). The thing is, whether it's naive or not, I believe that kindness is in everyone's values - or at least that kindness is somewhere in their hearts, if maybe a little lost.

I just think, as a country, we've forgotten about kindness. Myself included.

So today I'll try to remind myself to do what I can. No, holding doors for someone else, or buying a stranger's coffee will not immediately turn the rhetoric in this country. But as I dive into a new book called "Atomic Habits" I'm reminded of the definition of atomic:

1. an extremely small amount of a thing; the single irreducible until of a larger system.
2. the source of immense energy or power.

It’s getting to be bathing suit season, and so there is a lot of talk about getting bathing suit ready. Presumably, in our culture, “bathing suit ready” means endless squats, lunges, push ups, ab work, spin classes, bootcamp classes, running and generally beating the sh*t out of our bodies.

Hey, exercise is great for improving your overall physical (and mental) healthy - and there is nothing wrong with any of the activities listed above. With the exception of spinning (I’ve never taken a class if you can believe it), I enjoy them all.

But I don’t think more exercise is what you need to do to get “swimsuit ready.” (The phrase swimsuit ready came from a reader when I was surveying for potential blog topics.)

Regardless of what swimsuit you wear, resist the urge to bring back acid washed joggers. Please. For me.

I believe the number one action you can work on to get prepared for a season that invites shorts and tank tops is….drum roll please……

Develop a positive relationship with your body. 

Yup. No big thing, right?*****

Most of us would find wrestling an alligator more natural than being kind towards our bodies.

If we met in person, you might describe me as fit - and with a lot of help from genetics and some weekly effort on my part - I hold my own. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle with my own body.

On the outside of my right knee is a pale white scar from a teenage, neighborhood game of hide and seek. On the inside of my right leg is a small spiderweb of varicose veins that seems to puff up closer to the surface with each passing year. Sometimes you can’t really see them, and other times that’s all I see when I glance down at my legs. I have them on both legs, in several different places, and at times I am reminded of my grandmother, who rarely wore shorts, but I caught glimpses of her varicose veins when she wore dresses to church. 

These veins bother me in a way that I’d like to deny. But if I’m going to preach a positive relationship with our bodies, then you should know that I struggle in my efforts too. Those varicose veins makes me feel my age in a way that’s uncomfortable.

And so I’ve been joking that I won’t wear shorts at all this summer - because I’ve become embarrassed of my legs.

I’m not proud of that, but hey interwebz - I’m telling you anyway. So I’m working on that positive body image.

The thing is, my legs have taken me many places. They’ve hiked over 200 miles of Rocky Mountain National Park. They’ve run thousands of miles in all parts of the country, from New Mexico to Colorado to Oklahoma and more. They’ve worked 12 hour days on cement floors doing retail, walked through the farm fields of Western Pennsylvania to interview farmers, and stood in the dugout wells of minor league baseball teams, shifting from side to side to stay warm. They barked and complained when I did last year’s Tough Mudder, and they still don’t take very kindly to deep squats or lunges. 

But my legs, like the rest of my body, carry my story. 

And this summer, maybe more than any summer in the past, I find myself having to work very hard to be kind to my body. To be appreciative of my body. To be gentle with my body. To trust and appreciate that I am the best version of me that I know how to be right now, and that is all I can ask of myself.  

For the record, no I don’t think varicose veins are the end of the world, and yes, I know you can have them removed when they start causing pain. For right now, I’m just being vain about my veins. 

Yes, I did that. 

It’s not easy to avoid self-deprecating comments about your appearance and your body. We punch holes in all kinds of compliments that people pay us. 

You look great!

You’re lying!

I love your glasses!

They hide my fat face!

Those responses are reflexive - much like our apologies - and those are the comments that we need to corral.

As we get ready to head into summer on this Memorial Day weekend, and even those of us in Maine will experience warm weather, I want you to take this reminder and put it on your refrigerator and your bathroom mirror and your phone and maybe even a post-it note on your co-worker’s forehead:

You are bathing suit ready, just as you are.

***** Soooooo much sarcasm there. So much.

I took a poetry workshop class in my senior year of college. Each week, two different students submitted a piece of work for the class to critique, and by the end of the semester, we submitted a collection of poetry for the final grade.*

This is what I look like when I've procrastinated. Yet again. 

The class cemented what had become my growing suspicion that I was terrible at poetry. One of my submissions for the class included these brilliant stanzas:

The sun is shining, the grass is green
Last time I checked I still had a spleen
I am happy.

I saw two lovers kiss on my way to class
A kid on school bus flashed me his ass
I am happy.

A fellow classmate suggested that this poem was exactly why people didn’t write about happiness. 

I grew so uncomfortable with the class that I put off the assignments at every opportunity. By the time my portfolio submission was due, I had little to work with, and no cover poem. So I opted for honesty and wrote the following piece:

Procrastinating Poet

Meant to write a poem. 
But the weather hasn’t been
quite
right
for writing poetry. 

I thought it was witty and maybe a tad clever, but my professor saw it for what it really was. A shoddy last-minute effort at my portfolio. She was kind to give me a B. 

Willpower and procrastination

Over the last few weeks, I’ve spend a lot of time reading about willpower - about decision fatigue and ego depletion and how willpower is a finite resource. We know that making a ton of decisions and resisting urges throughout the day can directly impact our self-control by the end of the day. So what is the solution to making better and healthier decisions when your willpower is depleted?

Here is a quote from the book I've been referencing (Willpower):

“Successful people don’t use their willpower as a last ditch defense to stop themselves from disaster, at least not as a regular strategy.” 

The writers of the book suggest that folks who use their self-control to avoid a crisis as opposed to surviving a crisis, have more success (defining success is another matter altogether). Taking your car to the mechanic for regular maintenance before it breaks down, seeing the dentist before the toothache, giving yourself enough time to finish a project - are all examples of playing offense instead of defense. 

When I got to this part of the book, I laughed out loud. Mostly because I'm on defense so often it's almost absurd.  

I’m such a procrastinator that years ago when I wrote a weekly newspaper column for the local paper in Pennsylvania, I titled the column “At the Last Minute.”

The column was due every Monday and each week I’d start an idea on Thursday, only to leave it unfinished until Monday night when I'd bang my head against a wall wondering how I could possibly have put off my column until the last minute, yet again. 

My chronic procrastination is a constant source of stress and depletes much of my willpower throughout the day.

So what to do? Well, the authors of the book make these suggestions to help me, and you, play offense instead of defense. 

1. Know your limits

Willpower is a limited resource and it’s depleted and used in more ways than we realize throughout the day. Walking past your co-worker's candy dish 25 times throughout the day and never indulging - dealing with computer or technology issues- going to the gym when you don’t want to - getting out of bed when your body needs more sleep - these all affect your willpower. Recognizing that you are going to be out of willpower by the time you go out with friends for dinner that night might help you better prepare to make a nutrition choice that is on par with your goals. (One suggestion in these situations is to order first, so as not to be influenced by the decisions of those around you.)

2. Make a to-do-list

This is one habit I've always done, mostly in an effort to brain dump and clear my head. When I don't make a list to get things out of my mind and onto a piece of paper, you can find me pacing the gym and muttering things under my breath. The gym is a stimulating environment, and I use a lot of willpower to just focus. Making a list helps me to get my tasks on paper and out of my mind, freeing up my unconscious, at least a little bit. 

3. Don't forget the basics 

As it turns out, our unconscious is also affected by subtle cues such as a clean desk and a made bed.** Although we might not care about whether our bed is made or the desk is clean, these environmental cues subtly influence your brain and your behavior, making it less of a strain to maintain self-discipline. 

4. Pick your battles

We can't control or predict the stresses in our life - the loss of a job - a breakup - a sick family member, but we can use the calm periods to play offense. We can use the less crazy times in our lives to make new changes, to start a new exercise program or make some nutrition changes or learn how to macrame. Because macrame is fun. I think.

If you are dealing with a major job change, move, or other significant life event, now is not that time to make big changes. 

5. The nothing alternative

I've used this strategy quite a bit in recent weeks, especially with writing. When I commit an hour to writing, I don't allow myself to do anything else with that hour. I'm allowed to not write - I can pace the room, pet my dog, scream at him in horror for eating a cricket - but I'm not allowed to do anything else - like check social media or email or Amazon.

I love the authors' suggestion of playing offense, even though it's not something I always do very well. We often try to make a ton of changes at once - recently I was trying to train for a marathon, write a page per day, while we packed up and moved our house. 

Eventually, I had to acknowledge that packing up and moving the house was too much of a strain to add the other pieces, and so I let them go for a few weeks. Now that we're moved, I've got more space in my life to commit myself to writing one page a day.  

All of these above recommendations are habit-based. The focus is not on trying a new diet or new exercise program, but in making a habit change to nutrition or exercise. You focus on one habit per week or per month to help keep the process less overwhelming.  

As the authors suggest, the most lasting technique for conserving willpower is building a habit. 

Learning to plan ahead, whether that's stocking your refrigerator with healthy foods, removing the tempting food from your house, or putting your gym bag on your front seat in the morning on your way to work, can help you conserve willpower and make the changes you want to make.

And sometimes you're going to come up short. Be kind to yourself in those moments though, ok?

* It's also fair to admit that the only time I was drunk before noon was the day that my friend and I had our poems presented for criticism at the workshop. 

** Right now my partner Sheila is reading this and wondering whether or not I'll adopt these habits...stay tuned...