As I sit here typing this, it’s hard to know quite what to say.

In the past week I’ve hosted my first virtual happy hour, run my first virtual book group, and for the first time since college, considered the very real possibility that I may use coffee filters as toilet paper before this whole thing is over….

We are faced with the monumental task of adjusting to and making sense of a new, albeit temporary, external reality. And because we don’t have any previous experience in our databank, adapting and adjusting to this situation might feel harder than other challenges we’ve had.

But here’s the thing, our interpretation of our reality changes our experience of our reality.

Which is one of the reasons I’ve been shifting my focus on happiness. At the gym, we’re reading Shawn Achor’s “The Happiness Advantage,” and I’m also reading Achor’s “Before Happiness.” Between those two books, I have a couple of points I’ve found especially helpful in the past 10 days.

Though before I get to those points, here’s an excellent reminder on our natural penchant to see the negative. Our brains are wired to naturally seek and find negatives. As humans we do this naturally because way back in the day our primitive brains had to respond to threats quickly.

So being a Negative Nancy was important to actually keeping you alive. To a point. But if you want to train your brain to see more of the positives, here are a few strategies to get you going.

1.     Get your sleep

Research confirms that our ability to see positive details can be heavily impaired by fatigue. According to a study referenced in “Before Happiness,” if you memorize sets of positive, neutral and negative words, then sleep for seven to eight hours, you will remember around 80% of all three lists. If you miss a night of sleep, you will remember most of the negative and neutral words, but you remember 59% fewer positive words.

Our brains interpret a lack of sleep as a threat to the central nervous system. – because back in the day we needed to  be on high alert for threats – like tigers waiting to snack on us. It’s not our fault that we focus on the negatives – recognizing those negatives was the difference between surviving and not.

For many of us, heightened anxiety makes sleep more difficult right now. But I guess if I could drive home one message, it would be this - do not feel guilty for sleeping in if you can, or going to bed earlier than normal (unless you’re sleeping all day long, then that is another conversation altogether).

2.     Ramp up the positivity ratio

Hell is a positivity ratio? Well, according to research from a few University of North Carolina researchers, people need to have more positive interactions than negative interactions – by a 3:1 ratio. In the work place, teams that had below a 3:1 ratio of positivity had higher turnovers and engagement plummeted.

 In the personal realm, people who have a 3:1 ration in favor of positivity are more optimistic, happier, and feel more fulfilled (Frederickson and Losada).  

 So try to balance every piece of bad news with three pieces of good news. This is more important now than ever – at work and at home. There are a lot of negative things going on – and an incredible amount of stress on all of us. It’s going to be really easy to snap at our co-workers, our employees, our spouse. Everything feels harder right now.

 Uncertainty and fear are rampant for all of us and the unknown can have all of us on edge.

But If we don’t find ways to counter those negative interactions by a significant ratio, all of those people are going to come out on the other side of this thing remembering the negative interactions.

A 1:1 ratio isn’t good enough. Buying flowers for your wife because you snapped at her isn’t enough. It has to be more than that, especially right now.

Take a minute, right now, and look around for at least three positives - I know that can be tough, if you’ve been laid off, if your learning how to home school your kids - it can be tough. But give it a try.

And be extra kind to yourself right now.

It’s getting to be bathing suit season, and so there is a lot of talk about getting bathing suit ready. Presumably, in our culture, “bathing suit ready” means endless squats, lunges, push ups, ab work, spin classes, bootcamp classes, running and generally beating the sh*t out of our bodies.

Hey, exercise is great for improving your overall physical (and mental) healthy - and there is nothing wrong with any of the activities listed above. With the exception of spinning (I’ve never taken a class if you can believe it), I enjoy them all.

But I don’t think more exercise is what you need to do to get “swimsuit ready.” (The phrase swimsuit ready came from a reader when I was surveying for potential blog topics.)

Regardless of what swimsuit you wear, resist the urge to bring back acid washed joggers. Please. For me.

I believe the number one action you can work on to get prepared for a season that invites shorts and tank tops is….drum roll please……

Develop a positive relationship with your body. 

Yup. No big thing, right?*****

Most of us would find wrestling an alligator more natural than being kind towards our bodies.

If we met in person, you might describe me as fit - and with a lot of help from genetics and some weekly effort on my part - I hold my own. But that doesn’t mean I don’t still struggle with my own body.

On the outside of my right knee is a pale white scar from a teenage, neighborhood game of hide and seek. On the inside of my right leg is a small spiderweb of varicose veins that seems to puff up closer to the surface with each passing year. Sometimes you can’t really see them, and other times that’s all I see when I glance down at my legs. I have them on both legs, in several different places, and at times I am reminded of my grandmother, who rarely wore shorts, but I caught glimpses of her varicose veins when she wore dresses to church. 

These veins bother me in a way that I’d like to deny. But if I’m going to preach a positive relationship with our bodies, then you should know that I struggle in my efforts too. Those varicose veins makes me feel my age in a way that’s uncomfortable.

And so I’ve been joking that I won’t wear shorts at all this summer - because I’ve become embarrassed of my legs.

I’m not proud of that, but hey interwebz - I’m telling you anyway. So I’m working on that positive body image.

The thing is, my legs have taken me many places. They’ve hiked over 200 miles of Rocky Mountain National Park. They’ve run thousands of miles in all parts of the country, from New Mexico to Colorado to Oklahoma and more. They’ve worked 12 hour days on cement floors doing retail, walked through the farm fields of Western Pennsylvania to interview farmers, and stood in the dugout wells of minor league baseball teams, shifting from side to side to stay warm. They barked and complained when I did last year’s Tough Mudder, and they still don’t take very kindly to deep squats or lunges. 

But my legs, like the rest of my body, carry my story. 

And this summer, maybe more than any summer in the past, I find myself having to work very hard to be kind to my body. To be appreciative of my body. To be gentle with my body. To trust and appreciate that I am the best version of me that I know how to be right now, and that is all I can ask of myself.  

For the record, no I don’t think varicose veins are the end of the world, and yes, I know you can have them removed when they start causing pain. For right now, I’m just being vain about my veins. 

Yes, I did that. 

It’s not easy to avoid self-deprecating comments about your appearance and your body. We punch holes in all kinds of compliments that people pay us. 

You look great!

You’re lying!

I love your glasses!

They hide my fat face!

Those responses are reflexive - much like our apologies - and those are the comments that we need to corral.

As we get ready to head into summer on this Memorial Day weekend, and even those of us in Maine will experience warm weather, I want you to take this reminder and put it on your refrigerator and your bathroom mirror and your phone and maybe even a post-it note on your co-worker’s forehead:

You are bathing suit ready, just as you are.

***** Soooooo much sarcasm there. So much.