I had the good fortune to stay with some coaching friends in Southern California last week, waking up to this view:

I started each day with a cold plunge, sunshine, and meditation on the beach. Reading, hanging out with their three legged chihuahua named Chapo, it was an opportunity to unplug, decompress, and spend some time working on my vision, both for myself and for my business.

Except that I had trouble relaxing, didn't appreciate how much time it might take to actually decompress, and was working on my vision, while also trying to relax, while also planning my next workshop....

So...note to self. Maybe don't have an agenda for your down time...

Hanging out with other coaches can be a great way to have your language and behavior reflected back to you, and the one word I was using way more than I realized was try.

I'm conscious that try is considered back-door language - it gives you an out from fully making a commitment. There's a reason Yoda said to Luke "there is no try, only do or not do."

And yet there were several moments where I slipped that word in when I was talking about my vision for the year, only to have my friends rephrase the sentence for me.

"You're not trying," Colin said. "You're doing."

A major component of the visioning process is clear intention, which is why most visioning exercises encourage you to write your goals as though they have already happened.

Think about it like you are planning a vacation. If you call a travel agency and say you would like to try to visit Italy, would they book a flight for you?

The same is true for being wishy-washy. If you called a travel agent and said you wanted to go to Italy...no wait, Ireland...no wait, New Zealand, you're not going to get anywhere.

I don't think most of us consciously want to give ourselves an out for behavior change - we equate the word "try" with putting forth effort. We are working on accomplishing something. Effort is important, yes.

So is language.

I am trying to eat healthier.

I am eating healthier.

When you talk about change, talk about it with intention. It makes a difference.

Do something everyday that scares you.

I don't recall exactly where I read that advice; probably in some personal development book.

I would argue that living in the country, where I have seen both an actual rat and Bernie Sanders (my cat, not the human) walk into my house with AN ACTUAL LIVING SNAKE, delivers on that intention daily, but I don't think that's what the author had in mind.

I think the premise was more along the lines of pushing yourself outside of your comfort zone because growth happens when we're uncomfortable.

I can't say that I was actively looking for ways to make myself suffer challenge myself when I signed up for a stand up comedy class a few weeks back, but nonetheless, here we are.

On the first night, the teacher asked a student who had been in his class before to stand up and do a mini set. We all settled in with our notebooks to take notes while she performed.

Then, the teacher asked the next person to stand up and do the same.

By the time he got to the third person, terror was setting in. I leaned to the person next to me, asking if we were all going to have to get up and talk.

"I think so," she said, then looked at me. "Just lead with that look on your face and you'll be fine."

Here's the thing: I thought I was going to go to this class and just take notes and learn about stand up comedy. Sure there might be a performance at some point, but I thought that would come later.

My clumsy segue here is that I think that's how we approach not just new things, but change in general. In the model of change, this is considered the preparation phase.

I'm a huge fan of acquiring knowledge. Taking classes, reading books, listening to podcasts - I'm constantly interested in knowing more.

But I struggle sometimes with actually taking action with some of that knowledge because it requires me to make a change - and change is uncomfortable.

Yet when I think about some of the greatest breakthroughs I've had in my life, they have happened as a result of surviving discomfort. Going away for college, traveling the country with my softball team...

Heck, I even turned down the coaching job that changed my life initially, because I was so uncomfortable with the idea of teaching a large group fitness class.

I can't imagine what my life would look like today if I hadn't taken that risk.

Don't get me wrong - it took months before I started to feel more comfortable teaching those classes. And it was also the best thing that ever happened to me (I know most of you on this list as a direct result of accepting that job...)

When it was my turn to stand up at that first comedy class, I told the story of the rat in my house. Which was funnier when the rat was no longer in my house.

I've been terrified each time I've had to stand up in my first three classes, and I've survived each time.

The blessing, and growth, happens outside of your comfort zone.

Last August, after my first round of chemo, I asked my hair stylist, Tammy, if she would make a house call to shave my head since I was already losing my hair. I'm a pretty open book about most things in my life, but for some reason, shaving my head in public just felt too hard.

Shaving my head in general, felt too hard.

After sweeping up the pile of hair on my floor, I immediately put a hat on, and spent the rest of the day avoiding my reflection.

Whether it was dodging the mirror while brushing my teeth, or ignoring my appearance in a window, it was about three weeks before I was no longer jolted by my bald head every time I looked in the mirror.

My dad appreciated my bald head so that we could twin.

As it turns out, Dr. Maxwell Maltz, a plastic surgeon in the 1950's, noticed a pattern in his patients; that it took most of them about 21 days to get used to a nose job, for example.

Similarly, he noticed that if a patient had a limb amputated, it took about 21 days before adjusting to their new reality.

But Dr. Maltz actually took his observation a step further, writing a book where he stated that "it requires a minimum of about 21 days for an old mental image to dissolve and a new one to jell."

This concept was eventually shortened to, "it takes 21 days to form a new habit."

Sound familiar?

The thing is, while it took me a few weeks to adjust to my appearance, it was at least two months before I stopped the automatic process of putting shampoo in my hand every time I got in the shower.

That habit took much longer to untangle.

When you are in the business of behavior change, it's not common to ask how long.

How long until I see results?

How long until this new way of eating sticks?

How long until getting my workouts in every week just feels routine?

On average, according to a study from 2009, researchers found that it takes 66 days before a behavior becomes automatic. That's the average. It can take anywhere from 18 days to 8 months to build new behavior into your days.

How long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances though, which is why I love this quote I heard recently on Instagram "change happens small until it happens big."

It's the tiny little things - the micro-actions that you take everyday; subbing a salad for fries at lunch, taking the stairs, getting up and stretching every hour; those actions might not seem like big deals in the moment, but they are laying the groundwork for improving your quality of movement, increasing your cardio capacity and getting more nutrients into your system.

If you've followed my work for any length of time, you know I am a big fan of starting small. Some people look at a 10 minute workout and say what's the point?

The point is that change happens small until it happens big.