I had the good fortune to stay with some coaching friends in Southern California last week, waking up to this view:

I started each day with a cold plunge, sunshine, and meditation on the beach. Reading, hanging out with their three legged chihuahua named Chapo, it was an opportunity to unplug, decompress, and spend some time working on my vision, both for myself and for my business.

Except that I had trouble relaxing, didn't appreciate how much time it might take to actually decompress, and was working on my vision, while also trying to relax, while also planning my next workshop....

So...note to self. Maybe don't have an agenda for your down time...

Hanging out with other coaches can be a great way to have your language and behavior reflected back to you, and the one word I was using way more than I realized was try.

I'm conscious that try is considered back-door language - it gives you an out from fully making a commitment. There's a reason Yoda said to Luke "there is no try, only do or not do."

And yet there were several moments where I slipped that word in when I was talking about my vision for the year, only to have my friends rephrase the sentence for me.

"You're not trying," Colin said. "You're doing."

A major component of the visioning process is clear intention, which is why most visioning exercises encourage you to write your goals as though they have already happened.

Think about it like you are planning a vacation. If you call a travel agency and say you would like to try to visit Italy, would they book a flight for you?

The same is true for being wishy-washy. If you called a travel agent and said you wanted to go to Italy...no wait, Ireland...no wait, New Zealand, you're not going to get anywhere.

I don't think most of us consciously want to give ourselves an out for behavior change - we equate the word "try" with putting forth effort. We are working on accomplishing something. Effort is important, yes.

So is language.

I am trying to eat healthier.

I am eating healthier.

When you talk about change, talk about it with intention. It makes a difference.

Last week, on one of my walks I saw a praying mantis.

I usually see roadkill on my walks; squirrels that couldn't make up their mind and so a car made up their mind for them...so seeing the praying mantis was a nice break.

I googled the symbolism of the praying mantis and it turns out, it's a sign of good luck.

Which I'll take any old time, but especially now when I'm less than two weeks removed from my first stand up comedy performance.

I know I mentioned taking a stand up class a few weeks ago, but the truth is, I've wanted to try stand up comedy from the time I was 12 years old.

Once I learned that playing professional baseball was out.

My brothers and I had a VHS of stand up comedians that we'd ordered with Pop Tart box tops. Given that we didn't have cable, we had a short rotation of VHS tapes to watch, and this was in the mix.

I was absolutely enamored with the comedy, especially Paula Poundstone. So I memorized her routine, and started writing my own jokes.

Then one day in my seventh grade science class, I let it be known to my teacher that I wanted to try stand up comedy. He invited me to tell a joke, and I did.

It went over the way you think a 13 year old's joke might go over and I'll never forget what he said.

"It's all in the delivery. I could have told that joke and had everyone rolling on the floor."

His comment, and the tone that he used, made me feel so stupid. So stupid. I was full of regret for having said anything. Though it took me years to realize it, his response to my enthusiasm that day wounded me on multiple levels.

I completely abandoned any ideas about trying comedy after that.

I didn't realize just how much I'd taken that comment to heart until last year. Well over 30 years later.

If you've ever endeavored to write or create art and found yourself with a block, you may have come across the book "The Artist's Way." In it, she talks about the artistic wounds many artists have that they don't realize they have.

Maybe someone told you that you couldn't make a living with your music. Or that drawing was fine, but you should pursue graphic design instead of being an artist.

I'm going to make another clumsy segue here, but a relevant one nonetheless; those same kind of comments around fitness, nutrition and movement are what many of my clients carry.

Sometimes they don't even know that these comments have stuck with them.

Being told they were too slow, too uncoordinated, getting picked last for kickball; I have seen all of these wounds show up for people when it comes to trying new things.

Like strength training.

You might know that we feel hesitant or resistant to trying it, but you might not know why.

I have a client who was a Division I athlete who told a story about being shamed regarding her swimsuit and told to lose weight.

And many clients who endured side-ways comments and glances from well intending parents regarding food choices and their clothing choices.

A lot of these comments were made in passing, but the impact can last a lifetime.

We all carry emotional scars. But sometimes we don't recognize the ways these scars and experiences still affect us as adults.

The first step in making any kind of change is awareness. Which is why I mention this story at all - when we are aware of something and how we've been affected by it, we can learn to address it.

Once I remembered this comment from a teacher (I'd forgotten about it for a long time - but I lived with its effects nonetheless), I could take a look at my limiting beliefs about taking a class or trying an open mic night.

The process of change is awareness, unwinding (the belief or the habit), and then capacity building.

Is there something that you've always wanted to do or try but you think you never could do that? If so, do you know why?

Last weekend I was back in PA to visit family and was having a conversation with my cousin, who is doing a trial on my app.

“Yeah I used it once, but then I just couldn’t keep it going.”

I asked if she was working out at home or in the gym, and she said she was trying to make it work at home.

Not getting up to work out because Vinnie is on my lap is an excuse…no matter what I tell myself.

“But my bedroom is too small, the basement is freezing and my husband is home all of the time right now and I don’t want to work out in the living room in front of him,” she said. Then, without me saying anything, she continued. “I know, I know – just a bunch of excuses.”

Our conversation was cut a bit short, but this is my answer (I know you’re reading this cuz…)

I don’t think any of the things mentioned above are excuses. I really don’t.

I think they’re limiting factors.

What’s the difference?

A quick google search gives the definition of excuse as: an attempt to defend or justify.

Explaining that you’re late for work for the 33rd day in a row because your dog wouldn’t get off your lap is an excuse (though in our house, it’s reason enough to get out of doing certain things….)

I never want to shove Angelo off my lap, but I absolutely can.

Limiting factors are things in our environment that can get in our way, or add a layer to the execution of a task.

For instance, let’s say that your goal is to walk 5k steps every day (click here if you want to join this week’s challenge in the Kim Lloyd Fitness Neighborhood on that one). If you live in an area with well-maintained sidewalks, then it’s likely a matter of putting on your shoes and going.

If you don’t have sidewalks and live on a busy road with no room to walk, then you need to:

A. Choose a place to walk – local gym treadmill? Mall? Trails?

B. Negotiate the weather – if you live in the Northeast, it’s been pouring lately.

C. Have a means to get to the place to walk. Do you have a car?

D. Factor in the time to drive to the place, get your walk in, and drive back.

The thing about physical fitness is that it doesn’t occur in a vacuum, but the industry makes it feel that way. Our environment, social situation, emotional health, and mental health all affect each other.

So what does that mean?

I think it's the difference between feeling shame for not executing on a task and realizing that in order to make a physical change, it might mean making some environmental changes first.

If you want to workout at home but are struggling, can you create a space that feels comfortable? Get heat in the basement, kick the hubby out for a few hours, find a different space where you can put down an exercise mat, put on some music and make it yours for 20 minutes? (I'm not just talking to my cousin here..)

If the answer is no, can you join a gym?

The thing is, when it comes to making behavior change, nothing is too small to feel like a big deal.