The Things We Carry

Last week, on one of my walks I saw a praying mantis.

I usually see roadkill on my walks; squirrels that couldn't make up their mind and so a car made up their mind for them...so seeing the praying mantis was a nice break.

I googled the symbolism of the praying mantis and it turns out, it's a sign of good luck.

Which I'll take any old time, but especially now when I'm less than two weeks removed from my first stand up comedy performance.

I know I mentioned taking a stand up class a few weeks ago, but the truth is, I've wanted to try stand up comedy from the time I was 12 years old.

Once I learned that playing professional baseball was out.

My brothers and I had a VHS of stand up comedians that we'd ordered with Pop Tart box tops. Given that we didn't have cable, we had a short rotation of VHS tapes to watch, and this was in the mix.

I was absolutely enamored with the comedy, especially Paula Poundstone. So I memorized her routine, and started writing my own jokes.

Then one day in my seventh grade science class, I let it be known to my teacher that I wanted to try stand up comedy. He invited me to tell a joke, and I did.

It went over the way you think a 13 year old's joke might go over and I'll never forget what he said.

"It's all in the delivery. I could have told that joke and had everyone rolling on the floor."

His comment, and the tone that he used, made me feel so stupid. So stupid. I was full of regret for having said anything. Though it took me years to realize it, his response to my enthusiasm that day wounded me on multiple levels.

I completely abandoned any ideas about trying comedy after that.

I didn't realize just how much I'd taken that comment to heart until last year. Well over 30 years later.

If you've ever endeavored to write or create art and found yourself with a block, you may have come across the book "The Artist's Way." In it, she talks about the artistic wounds many artists have that they don't realize they have.

Maybe someone told you that you couldn't make a living with your music. Or that drawing was fine, but you should pursue graphic design instead of being an artist.

I'm going to make another clumsy segue here, but a relevant one nonetheless; those same kind of comments around fitness, nutrition and movement are what many of my clients carry.

Sometimes they don't even know that these comments have stuck with them.

Being told they were too slow, too uncoordinated, getting picked last for kickball; I have seen all of these wounds show up for people when it comes to trying new things.

Like strength training.

You might know that we feel hesitant or resistant to trying it, but you might not know why.

I have a client who was a Division I athlete who told a story about being shamed regarding her swimsuit and told to lose weight.

And many clients who endured side-ways comments and glances from well intending parents regarding food choices and their clothing choices.

A lot of these comments were made in passing, but the impact can last a lifetime.

We all carry emotional scars. But sometimes we don't recognize the ways these scars and experiences still affect us as adults.

The first step in making any kind of change is awareness. Which is why I mention this story at all - when we are aware of something and how we've been affected by it, we can learn to address it.

Once I remembered this comment from a teacher (I'd forgotten about it for a long time - but I lived with its effects nonetheless), I could take a look at my limiting beliefs about taking a class or trying an open mic night.

The process of change is awareness, unwinding (the belief or the habit), and then capacity building.

Is there something that you've always wanted to do or try but you think you never could do that? If so, do you know why?