Lately, at the end of the night, I sit on my back deck with my guitar, strumming old Johnny Cash songs and star gaze. It's been 20 years since I lived in the country - with no street lights to take away from the black of night and the brightness of the stars. 

These days, it's my favorite way to unwind.  

What have you gained? Wendy gained a 200lb deadlift. 

Despite years of resisting the purchase of a house, I’ve found myself embracing all that we’ve gained. Five acres of quiet, a house with great character and history, and also a hot water heater that melted less than a month after moving in...

Cheers to homeowning.

Prior to buying the house, all I could think about was what I would lose.

I don’t like feeling tied down. I’m a wanderer at heart and I relish the idea of picking up and moving whenever I'm tired of a job or a place. In my twenties, I lived all over the country and changed jobs like…well…like it was my job :-)

Every time Sheila suggested buying a house, I’d counter that we should move into an airstream and live on the beach in San Diego. Or that it was time to go back to Pittsburgh. Or that I heard Portland, Oregon was really nice - and that Colorado was my favorite place ever. 

And she'd suggest that I....well...I'll leave that to your imagination. 

It's difficult to change another person's perspective. 

And almost impossible to change an opinion. 

But it's amazing what happens when we are open to the possibility of changing that perspective. 

I see a lot of rigidness in the fitness industry, both from clients and coaches. Some coaches find a formula they feel works best for fat loss and can feel like that's the only way. And many clients come in with one goal in mind:

To lose weight. 

Tunnelvision 

When we hyper focus on one small piece of the pie, we either don't recognize, or worse yet, dismiss what we are gaining.  

Me: Are you sleeping better?

Client: Yes. (Pauses). But do you see these batwing thingys under my arm? My kids play hide and seek with these.

Me: Ok, but how's your energy level? 

Client: Amazing why have I not lost a pound? (That's right - no breath in between).  

A few years ago, when I was home in Pennsylvania, I told my four-year old niece that she was getting tall. And she ran over to the wall, put her hand above her head and exclaimed:

"I know! I'm almost up to my hand!"

Perspective. She wasn't up to her mom's waist - she wasn't tall enough to sleep in a big girl bed - she was simply, in her eyes - almost as tall as her hand. 

I've always loved that story - because it's such a great lesson in the way we measure ourselves. 

Look for what is happening. What you are gaining? Strength. Community. Friendships. Fun. Forearms that your niece and nephew do chin ups on - and don't look know but you just deadlifted 200 lbs. I'm looking at you Wendy LeBright.   

Don't hyper-focus on what's not happening - or what you haven't done. Every single person reading this post has done something to be proud of. I'm certain of it.

If you are going to the gym every day wondering why you bother to keep showing up when the scale hasn't moved, take a step back.

Compared to a year ago, what have you gained? How about six months ago? How about 30 days ago? 

Take a step back. If you can't internally change your perspective, physically change it. Shoot a video of your squat today and shoot another one in six weeks.  

Throw that measuring stick away. 

I remember exactly where I was the first time I saw the movie Rocky. 

My younger brother and I watched, mesmerized, as Sly Stallone drank raw eggs, chased chickens, and performed one arm push ups. By the time he boxed Apollo Creed in the final scene, we were standing and cheering as though we were at a live fight. (And using the couch cushions as heavy bags, which went over well with Mom.)

True story. 

The next day I piled on gray sweatpants, a winter hat, and took off down the rural road we lived on for a run. 

Within five minutes, I was completley gassed, had a stitch in my side, and wondered how anyone could run in sweatpants. 

While my motivation on that run was short lived, Rocky was my introduction to the concept of motivation. The story and the music, cliche though it was, made me feel like I couldn’t sit still- like I had to go out and exercise - and also that I should take up boxing, which my mother shut down quickly.  

By the time I played high school sports, we used warm up tapes filled with Pat Benatar, Europe, and the Gin Blossoms to get fired up for basketball and volleyball games. For some reason, my teammates always thumbed down my suggestion for Barry Manilow’s Copacabana though...

Sometimes we use quotes. Sometimes music. When I was in college and my mentor was dying of cancer, he told me that what he missed most was running. And so I was motivated to run for him - because he couldn't. 

But rarely is motivation so clear. 

Most people, myself included, struggle to want to work out. During my worst depressive episodes, it's more than enough to brush my teeth and get to work. Everyday life, fatigue, and the emotional strains of the day can make it difficult to make dinner, let alone get to the gym. 

Recently I was listening to a book on habits and the author suggested that motivation doesn't always mean that you're thinking hell yeah. 

I rewound the book and listened to the statement again. 

Motivation does not always mean hell yeah. 

For most of my life, I have enjoyed playing sports, exercising and working out. Over the course of almost 41 years, I'm lucky that I've had some hell yeah moments. But most of those came in sports - when I was excited to play a game and compete. 

Since I've been working out and running on my own, I've had very few hell yeah moments. I often sign up for races and wonder what the hell I was thinking as I drag myself out of bed at 5:00 on a Saturday. I show up more out of obligation than motivation. 

I said I'd run this race, so I'm going to run it. I paid to run this race, so I'm going to run it. 

I've talked before about finding your why - your reason for wanting to lose weight or improve your fitness. You might want to work out so you can keep up with your grandkids, get off of medication, or improve your mood. Knowing and getting in touch with your reasons for working out can go a long way in getting you to the gym. 

Motivation does not always mean hell yeah. It just means I'm going to find a way to do this.  

But if chasing chickens and drinking raw eggs will get you fired up, I'm happy to add that into your workouts. :-)

I took a poetry workshop class in my senior year of college. Each week, two different students submitted a piece of work for the class to critique, and by the end of the semester, we submitted a collection of poetry for the final grade.*

This is what I look like when I've procrastinated. Yet again. 

The class cemented what had become my growing suspicion that I was terrible at poetry. One of my submissions for the class included these brilliant stanzas:

The sun is shining, the grass is green
Last time I checked I still had a spleen
I am happy.

I saw two lovers kiss on my way to class
A kid on school bus flashed me his ass
I am happy.

A fellow classmate suggested that this poem was exactly why people didn’t write about happiness. 

I grew so uncomfortable with the class that I put off the assignments at every opportunity. By the time my portfolio submission was due, I had little to work with, and no cover poem. So I opted for honesty and wrote the following piece:

Procrastinating Poet

Meant to write a poem. 
But the weather hasn’t been
quite
right
for writing poetry. 

I thought it was witty and maybe a tad clever, but my professor saw it for what it really was. A shoddy last-minute effort at my portfolio. She was kind to give me a B. 

Willpower and procrastination

Over the last few weeks, I’ve spend a lot of time reading about willpower - about decision fatigue and ego depletion and how willpower is a finite resource. We know that making a ton of decisions and resisting urges throughout the day can directly impact our self-control by the end of the day. So what is the solution to making better and healthier decisions when your willpower is depleted?

Here is a quote from the book I've been referencing (Willpower):

“Successful people don’t use their willpower as a last ditch defense to stop themselves from disaster, at least not as a regular strategy.” 

The writers of the book suggest that folks who use their self-control to avoid a crisis as opposed to surviving a crisis, have more success (defining success is another matter altogether). Taking your car to the mechanic for regular maintenance before it breaks down, seeing the dentist before the toothache, giving yourself enough time to finish a project - are all examples of playing offense instead of defense. 

When I got to this part of the book, I laughed out loud. Mostly because I'm on defense so often it's almost absurd.  

I’m such a procrastinator that years ago when I wrote a weekly newspaper column for the local paper in Pennsylvania, I titled the column “At the Last Minute.”

The column was due every Monday and each week I’d start an idea on Thursday, only to leave it unfinished until Monday night when I'd bang my head against a wall wondering how I could possibly have put off my column until the last minute, yet again. 

My chronic procrastination is a constant source of stress and depletes much of my willpower throughout the day.

So what to do? Well, the authors of the book make these suggestions to help me, and you, play offense instead of defense. 

1. Know your limits

Willpower is a limited resource and it’s depleted and used in more ways than we realize throughout the day. Walking past your co-worker's candy dish 25 times throughout the day and never indulging - dealing with computer or technology issues- going to the gym when you don’t want to - getting out of bed when your body needs more sleep - these all affect your willpower. Recognizing that you are going to be out of willpower by the time you go out with friends for dinner that night might help you better prepare to make a nutrition choice that is on par with your goals. (One suggestion in these situations is to order first, so as not to be influenced by the decisions of those around you.)

2. Make a to-do-list

This is one habit I've always done, mostly in an effort to brain dump and clear my head. When I don't make a list to get things out of my mind and onto a piece of paper, you can find me pacing the gym and muttering things under my breath. The gym is a stimulating environment, and I use a lot of willpower to just focus. Making a list helps me to get my tasks on paper and out of my mind, freeing up my unconscious, at least a little bit. 

3. Don't forget the basics 

As it turns out, our unconscious is also affected by subtle cues such as a clean desk and a made bed.** Although we might not care about whether our bed is made or the desk is clean, these environmental cues subtly influence your brain and your behavior, making it less of a strain to maintain self-discipline. 

4. Pick your battles

We can't control or predict the stresses in our life - the loss of a job - a breakup - a sick family member, but we can use the calm periods to play offense. We can use the less crazy times in our lives to make new changes, to start a new exercise program or make some nutrition changes or learn how to macrame. Because macrame is fun. I think.

If you are dealing with a major job change, move, or other significant life event, now is not that time to make big changes. 

5. The nothing alternative

I've used this strategy quite a bit in recent weeks, especially with writing. When I commit an hour to writing, I don't allow myself to do anything else with that hour. I'm allowed to not write - I can pace the room, pet my dog, scream at him in horror for eating a cricket - but I'm not allowed to do anything else - like check social media or email or Amazon.

I love the authors' suggestion of playing offense, even though it's not something I always do very well. We often try to make a ton of changes at once - recently I was trying to train for a marathon, write a page per day, while we packed up and moved our house. 

Eventually, I had to acknowledge that packing up and moving the house was too much of a strain to add the other pieces, and so I let them go for a few weeks. Now that we're moved, I've got more space in my life to commit myself to writing one page a day.  

All of these above recommendations are habit-based. The focus is not on trying a new diet or new exercise program, but in making a habit change to nutrition or exercise. You focus on one habit per week or per month to help keep the process less overwhelming.  

As the authors suggest, the most lasting technique for conserving willpower is building a habit. 

Learning to plan ahead, whether that's stocking your refrigerator with healthy foods, removing the tempting food from your house, or putting your gym bag on your front seat in the morning on your way to work, can help you conserve willpower and make the changes you want to make.

And sometimes you're going to come up short. Be kind to yourself in those moments though, ok?

* It's also fair to admit that the only time I was drunk before noon was the day that my friend and I had our poems presented for criticism at the workshop. 

** Right now my partner Sheila is reading this and wondering whether or not I'll adopt these habits...stay tuned...