Lately, at the end of the night, I sit on my back deck with my guitar, strumming old Johnny Cash songs and star gaze. It's been 20 years since I lived in the country - with no street lights to take away from the black of night and the brightness of the stars. 

These days, it's my favorite way to unwind.  

What have you gained? Wendy gained a 200lb deadlift. 

Despite years of resisting the purchase of a house, I’ve found myself embracing all that we’ve gained. Five acres of quiet, a house with great character and history, and also a hot water heater that melted less than a month after moving in...

Cheers to homeowning.

Prior to buying the house, all I could think about was what I would lose.

I don’t like feeling tied down. I’m a wanderer at heart and I relish the idea of picking up and moving whenever I'm tired of a job or a place. In my twenties, I lived all over the country and changed jobs like…well…like it was my job :-)

Every time Sheila suggested buying a house, I’d counter that we should move into an airstream and live on the beach in San Diego. Or that it was time to go back to Pittsburgh. Or that I heard Portland, Oregon was really nice - and that Colorado was my favorite place ever. 

And she'd suggest that I....well...I'll leave that to your imagination. 

It's difficult to change another person's perspective. 

And almost impossible to change an opinion. 

But it's amazing what happens when we are open to the possibility of changing that perspective. 

I see a lot of rigidness in the fitness industry, both from clients and coaches. Some coaches find a formula they feel works best for fat loss and can feel like that's the only way. And many clients come in with one goal in mind:

To lose weight. 

Tunnelvision 

When we hyper focus on one small piece of the pie, we either don't recognize, or worse yet, dismiss what we are gaining.  

Me: Are you sleeping better?

Client: Yes. (Pauses). But do you see these batwing thingys under my arm? My kids play hide and seek with these.

Me: Ok, but how's your energy level? 

Client: Amazing why have I not lost a pound? (That's right - no breath in between).  

A few years ago, when I was home in Pennsylvania, I told my four-year old niece that she was getting tall. And she ran over to the wall, put her hand above her head and exclaimed:

"I know! I'm almost up to my hand!"

Perspective. She wasn't up to her mom's waist - she wasn't tall enough to sleep in a big girl bed - she was simply, in her eyes - almost as tall as her hand. 

I've always loved that story - because it's such a great lesson in the way we measure ourselves. 

Look for what is happening. What you are gaining? Strength. Community. Friendships. Fun. Forearms that your niece and nephew do chin ups on - and don't look know but you just deadlifted 200 lbs. I'm looking at you Wendy LeBright.   

Don't hyper-focus on what's not happening - or what you haven't done. Every single person reading this post has done something to be proud of. I'm certain of it.

If you are going to the gym every day wondering why you bother to keep showing up when the scale hasn't moved, take a step back.

Compared to a year ago, what have you gained? How about six months ago? How about 30 days ago? 

Take a step back. If you can't internally change your perspective, physically change it. Shoot a video of your squat today and shoot another one in six weeks.  

Throw that measuring stick away. 

I remember exactly where I was the first time I saw the movie Rocky. 

My younger brother and I watched, mesmerized, as Sly Stallone drank raw eggs, chased chickens, and performed one arm push ups. By the time he boxed Apollo Creed in the final scene, we were standing and cheering as though we were at a live fight. (And using the couch cushions as heavy bags, which went over well with Mom.)

True story. 

The next day I piled on gray sweatpants, a winter hat, and took off down the rural road we lived on for a run. 

Within five minutes, I was completley gassed, had a stitch in my side, and wondered how anyone could run in sweatpants. 

While my motivation on that run was short lived, Rocky was my introduction to the concept of motivation. The story and the music, cliche though it was, made me feel like I couldn’t sit still- like I had to go out and exercise - and also that I should take up boxing, which my mother shut down quickly.  

By the time I played high school sports, we used warm up tapes filled with Pat Benatar, Europe, and the Gin Blossoms to get fired up for basketball and volleyball games. For some reason, my teammates always thumbed down my suggestion for Barry Manilow’s Copacabana though...

Sometimes we use quotes. Sometimes music. When I was in college and my mentor was dying of cancer, he told me that what he missed most was running. And so I was motivated to run for him - because he couldn't. 

But rarely is motivation so clear. 

Most people, myself included, struggle to want to work out. During my worst depressive episodes, it's more than enough to brush my teeth and get to work. Everyday life, fatigue, and the emotional strains of the day can make it difficult to make dinner, let alone get to the gym. 

Recently I was listening to a book on habits and the author suggested that motivation doesn't always mean that you're thinking hell yeah. 

I rewound the book and listened to the statement again. 

Motivation does not always mean hell yeah. 

For most of my life, I have enjoyed playing sports, exercising and working out. Over the course of almost 41 years, I'm lucky that I've had some hell yeah moments. But most of those came in sports - when I was excited to play a game and compete. 

Since I've been working out and running on my own, I've had very few hell yeah moments. I often sign up for races and wonder what the hell I was thinking as I drag myself out of bed at 5:00 on a Saturday. I show up more out of obligation than motivation. 

I said I'd run this race, so I'm going to run it. I paid to run this race, so I'm going to run it. 

I've talked before about finding your why - your reason for wanting to lose weight or improve your fitness. You might want to work out so you can keep up with your grandkids, get off of medication, or improve your mood. Knowing and getting in touch with your reasons for working out can go a long way in getting you to the gym. 

Motivation does not always mean hell yeah. It just means I'm going to find a way to do this.  

But if chasing chickens and drinking raw eggs will get you fired up, I'm happy to add that into your workouts. :-)

It was 1986 and our gym teacher Mr. Stock, with his polyester track pants and polo shirt marched us from the elementary school, down the hill to the high school track. 

He announced that Ronald Reagan was personally interested in how long it would take each of us to run four laps around the track. As it turned out, President Reagan cared deeply about how many sit-ups I could do, whether or not I could climb a rope, and how far I could climb up the ladder in the gym before I became paralyzed with fear. (Not very far as it turns out.)

Sometimes it's good to mix humor in with your mantra. 

A kid named Danny Beyer ran those four laps in six minutes while the rest of us alternated between walking, jogging, holding the stitch in our sides, and sobbing in the middle of the track. 

I don’t remember exactly what my eight-year old self-talk was - but I imagine it was some version of: this sucks this sucks this sucks this sucks and why the hell does President Reagan care how fast I can run when we’ve never met? 

A few years later when I took up cross country, somewhat willingly, and had learned the full spectrum of swear words on the school bus, it was a much different soundtrack playing in my mind, but the tune was similar.

What the hell was I thinking? Why did I sign up for this? It’s hot. My side hurts. Running is stupid. This sucks. Math class sucks too. Everything sucks. 

The voice in our heads is very convincing, and I don’t know about you, but it's rarely Morgan Freeman offering words of wisdom. My inner voice favors sarcasm, and I often find myself spouting off comments like “I want to put my face in a blender” or “I’ll be rocking back in forth in the corner if you need me.”

For some of us, it's not sarcasm. It's flat out cruelty. We talk to ourselves in ways we would never talk to another person.

"I can't do this. I'm so weak. Why didn't I train harder? I can't do that hill."

My negative inner voice is one of the reasons I've turned to mantras. 

Not only during my long runs but on days when my thoughts are racing a million miles an hour and I need to jam a stick in the wheel to make them stop, mantras have helped.

Lately, I've used “mind like water, body like a mountain” during my days. When you drop a stone in still water, it ripples for a few seconds, and then the water settles again. A mind like water absorbs whatever is happening externally and then settles back into the present. I struggle to let things go and stay present, and this mantra is my reminder.  

On my longer runs when I have plenty of time to ruminate I’ve settled on the phrase, I am strong, I am capable. It's easy to get lost in the discomfort of running or training, and this phrase helps me remember where I came from.

I pass this along to a client who was training for a long bike ride, and she created her own mantra. "I am strong, I am capable, and I am f---ing pretty." Because humor helps too.  

One of my favorite phrases came from a book I read years ago called Running Within - where the writer suggested the mantra of “health is me, I’m injury free” when you’re on a run and a nagging pain starts creeping up on you. 

It sounds a little hokey, but when you've got an injury, it's difficult to focus on anything else. This little phrase can help shift your attention away from the pain. 

It can be so easy to let our minds wander and focus on the suffering - and for many of us - exercise can feel like a form of necessary suffering. It’s something we know will make us feel better afterward, but for many, the actual process of training isn't always pleasant.

Finding a phrase that you can return to when you are having an especially trying day or difficult workout can be helpful in putting your mind and thoughts in a better place throughout the workout.

Remember that you are good.

You are deserving of love and kindness and compassion.