Understanding Identity as Part of Habit Change

I watched the sailboats on Casco Bay as Sheila and I made our way home from Maine Medical Center this past Saturday.
 
I had cancer last time I drove this way and didn’t even know it (click here if you need to catch up on my story), I thought. Last time I was on this highway. Last time I was in my house.  I had cancer when I was sitting on my couch. When I was last at a restaurant. When I was at my cousin’s wedding in April.
 
It might sound weird, but these were the thoughts I was having as Sheila drove me home from the hospital after what turned out to be an 18 day stay. Basically, I was trying on the word cancer for myself.
 
It’s a new part of my identity.

I'm a cancer patient.
 
Years ago at my brothers’ wedding reception, he came up to me to ask if I’d seen his wife. Then he stopped.
 
“Feels weird to say that,” he said. “Wife. My wife.”
 
I find myself trying on the word cancer in a similar, though less exciting, way. I feel like it’s a shoe that doesn’t fit – that shouldn’t fit. And yet the more I say it to myself, the more it becomes mine. Because whether or not I want to own the reality, it is indeed mine to own.
 
If you signed up for this newsletter to follow my cancer journey, I hope you’ll forgive that I can’t help but think of habit and behavior change when it comes to everything, and that has been no different in walking the early parts of this new path.
 
Most good habit books will, at some point, discuss identity as a big part of making a habit change. Because aside from taking small steps, how we think about ourselves can play a huge role in our ability to make and sustain lasting change.
 
If you want to procrastinate work a little longer (procrastinator is part of my identity too), try this exercise: pull out a sheet of paper and write down all of the words that you feel describe you. Mine, for instance, might include: health and fitness coach, golfer, runner, Pittsburgh sports’ fan, gym goer, guitar player etc.
 
Another way to think about this is to finish the sentence “I am the kind of person who….”
 
Because sometimes we limit ourselves just in the way we think of ourselves. Take the guitar for instance. Have you ever wanted to learn to play, but told yourself that you're not musical? Basically, you're rejecting the identity and leaning, sometimes unknowingly, into self-limiting beliefs.
 
Is there something that you want to be doing, but you're telling yourself that you're not that person? Do you want to run a 5k? It sounds crazy, but go out and buy yourself a Nike t-shirt that says "Run" on it and wear it around. Do you want to surf? Buy a surfing t-shirt. Or a sticker that says "love to surf."

It doesn't matter how you do it - but if you truly want to make a particular change, find a way to own the identity - it's a great way to kick start the process.

No, habit change isn't necessarily that simple. But trying on the identity the way you might a new hat is a great way to start shifting your mindset. Right now, I'm thinking of myself not only as someone who has cancer, but someone who is fighting cancer, because the identity I most want is cancer survivor. That is my focus. That is my new hat to try on.