Meditation Gone Wrong
As part of my transition out of coaching at Spurling, I’m only making the one hour commute to Kennebunk two times a week. On the other days, I’ve been working to stick with a consistent morning routine of meditating, reading, and writing. *
Like many of you out there, I have tried a number of apps to help build a meditation habit. The 10% Happier app is really good (and so is the book), but I've also used Calm, and podcasts from Buddhist teacher Tara Brach.
Recently, a friend mentioned the Balance app, and I was able to get access for a free year, so I said sure, why not? Sometimes I can sit in silence for 15 or 20 minutes, and sometimes it helps to have guidance.
Well, this morning I found a meditation called Morning Brew, designed to help you consume your morning beverage mindfully. And I thought, you know what? Sure. One of my many goals with meditation, aside from managing stress, is to become more mindful.
Well, in the interest of being honest about how life really happens sometimes, what follows is the best description I can come up with for the experience I had.
Leah is the woman who refused to let me drink my coffee voice who walks me through the meditation.
Leah: Settle into a chair in an upright position.
Me – Grabbing the wearable sleeping bag that my mother n’ law bought us for Christmas because we live in a part of the country and a house built in 1795 that is so frigid you HAVE TO WEAR A SLEEPING BAG TO STAY WARM IN YOUR OWN HOUSE. No, seriously. The sleeping bag has a hood and armholes and everything.
Leah: If you haven’t already, pour your hot beverage and set it on a table near you.
Me – Wait, you want me to put it down?
Leah – Now, take a nice long deep breath.
Me – What about my coffee?
Leah – Now another.
Me – I thought this was a meditation where I could drink my coffee...
Leah – Now one more.
Me – You’re pissing me off Leah.
Leah – Really focus on your breathing.
Me – My dining room is 52 degrees Leah. If I don’t pick my coffee up to drink it in the next 30 seconds, it will be iced coffee.
Leah – Now move your drink closer.
Me – Do you hate me Leah?
Leah – Now, pick up your drink.
Me - Ok, yes! Picking it up. Yes, okay. Sure, let's be mindful now. All of the mindful.
Leah – Put it up to your nose.
Me – Yes…it’s near my nose.
Leah – What do you smell?
Me – Coffee. I smell coffee.
Leah – What kind of earthy tones?
Me – Uh....I smell Starbucks Blonde Roast....
Leah – Any other scents?
Me – I’m not wine tasting Leah. I just want to drink my #**& coffee.
Leah – Now look into your cup. What do you see?
Me – For the love of all things holy, I did not put my progressives on to drink my coffee.
Leah – Look for the details.
Me – (Pulling the cup three feet away from my face so it's no longer blurry). Oh my God. There’s dog hair in my coffee.
Leah – What colors do you see?
Me – OMG HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN DRINKING DOG HAIR IN MY COFFEE????!!!!!
Leah – Do you see your reflection?
Me - (Trying to pull dog hairs out of my coffee...)
Leah – And what do you see in your reflection?
Me – (Gagging as I stick my finger in my mouth to search for dog hairs).
I’m not gonna’ lie. This is the point where I shut off Leah, dumped out my now cold coffee, poured a new cup, and just drank my coffee. Quite happily, I might add.
But hey, three cheers for mindfulness :-)
*I'm just going to take a minute here and apologize to all of you parents out there who fantasize about having even 10 minutes of quiet in the morning where you could read, or meditate, or drink your coffee in silence...