Recovering from my book hangover

On February 21st, 2021 I uploaded the final pdf of my book to Kindle Direct Publishing. Less than 24 hours later, they sent me a link.

After three years of teeth gnashing, quicksand-slugging death by paper cuts, my book was finally out there.

And up until writing that sentence, I'm not sure how I would have described the writing process for this book. But as I re-read what I wrote, I'd say that about sums it up.

I shared the Amazon link with a few friends and family, got in my car to drive to work, and thought, rather unceremoniously, what's next?

While I am proud to have finished this project and seen it over the finish line, it's not the book I'm meant to write and so I spent most of the next few days trying to figure out how to move forward.

And in doing so, I've been so starkly reminded of how frequently we think of happiness and satisfaction as a place of arrival. I have two great white whales in my life - publishing a book and running a marathon. These are two undertakings that I have, for most of my life, had hanging out in front of me - the ultimate carrots to chase.

The marathon is still out there, but my body has been clear with me each time I've tried - not right now. So the pressure on that one has eased.

But because writing and publishing a book has proven more difficult than I ever would have guessed, the idea started to take on a whole different meaning for me. Not only did publishing a book feel more elusive, but more and more of my definition of success was tied to whether or not I could ever settle myself enough to sit down and write.

Whether I could ever overcome enough resistance to finish something.

And yet there I was last Tuesday morning, kicking my success can down the road. Sure I'd finished a book, but has it helped anyone? Will anyone buy it? Is it any good?

Thankfully, I took a few days off last week to do nothing. I napped, walked Vinnie, worked out a bit, and took a break from worrying too much about success. I'm lucky that I have people in my life who can keep me grounded.

But I guess, as I sleep off the hangover of publishing a book, it's my reminder to myself and all of you, that happiness and success are in the small moments. Make sure you don't miss them by focusing on the big ones.